Teenagers often have a rough time with their parents

Stress with the parents

Some parents refuse to accept that their children get older and do not want to tell them everything any longer, they cannot accept that they should not constantly meddle with their children's lives. Some of them are very strict, they watch over you and keep an eye on you and always want to be kept informed about everything you do.

In some cases, parents may not bother about anything anymore, they seem to have lost interest in you. They only want to be left in peace and expect from you, for example, that you look after your younger brothers and sisters, that you run the household, that you help them in any way.

Perhaps your parents grew up in a different country and they have their own conception about what your life will be. You want to date someone just like your friends do, you want to have a boy friend, you want to take part in the class trip.

Many families expect from their daughters that they abide by the cultural and religous conventions of the family's country of origin. But you want to be independent, choose your friends all by yourself or you have a different view of how to spend your leisure time. This does not mean that you want to turn away from your parents, all you want is that your parents understand your striving for freedom and self-determination and that your relationship is good. To achieve an agreement in this respect between you and your parents can sometimes be pretty hard.

Not all parents live together. If your parents split up and your mother fell in love with another man or your father with another woman, the new situation can be difficult and cause problems. For instance, if you do not like that person at all but you are expected to call that person mum or dad or if this person wants to 'raise' you acting like a parent.

So at home there is always disagreement about what you are allowed or not allowed to do. Your conception of life is different from your parents'. You want to decide by yourself how your life will be but your parents always want to have a say in the matter. All this may end up in a quarrel: you shout at each other, you are not talking to each other anymore, you are locked up, beaten, placed under house arrest and as a result you feel misunderstood. Perhaps you have already tried a number of times to talk very calmly to your parents but there is always a dispute in the end..

What can you do:

If all this applies to you and you are exposed to stress due to constantly tense, aggressive, nerve-wrecking situations at home, it is advisable to look for support.

Try to find a trustworthy person (for instance, a female relative, a neighbour, and so on) in order to talk about everything and to look for solutions so that you feel better again.

In many cities, there a counselling centres where you find help. You may call a distress number: www.kinderundjugendtelefon.de You may send us an email. Sometimes it is easier to solve a problem with the help of another person.