Lover's bliss and lover's pain

Life can be so beautiful

Head over heels in love? Feel like having 1000 butterflies in your tummy? Shivering all over? You gave away your heart?

Life can be so beautiful when you are in love. It's like a roller coaster ride – totally exciting. You never know what your emotions will be next moment: sky-high, simply amazing or going straight down when you are not yet sure if the person you are in love with is also interested in you. Thus when falling in love you always take a risk of not being given back the love and care you want so badly. You may be totally uncertain about the other person's feelings for you. At the worst, someone makes fun of you or tramples on your feelings. In this case, you probably feel devastated and doubtful about yourself and you've got the feeling that nobody likes you anyway.

Your happiness gets even bigger when your love is returned resulting in a relationship in which the two of you get on well with one other and both of you grow with the challenges of life. But this can be pretty hard! Even lovers may experience stress in their relationship und a lack of understanding each other once the thrill of the new love is gone. A relationship invites you to always be frank towards the other person. But sometimes you have to draw a clear line and learn to say no. Perhaps this is not always that easy, especially when the other person tries to put you under pressure/ to blackmail you. It is not easy to reconcile after a quarrel, maybe you still have to learn this as well.

Perhaps your boyfriend always wants to have you under his control, he always wants to know what your are about to do and whom you are going to meet, or, on the other hand, it is you who wants to be kept informed about what he or she is up to. All this is a clear sign that the relationship lacks something essential: there is no trust in each other!

This could be the moment when you feel that something is wrong, that you should separate. This is not easy at all and some girls find it extremely hard to end a relationship that is no longer good for them.

But it is important to remain true to oneself, to go one's own way. Sometimes it is possible to reconcile with him or her, but sometimes it is simply impossible to mend a relationship. In that case it is better to go separate ways.

 

Friendship

We all need friends – male or female – whom we can trust, who help us, who understand us and who share the pleasant experiences and who are just there for you when you feel down. It is possible that you develop tender feelings towards a friend of your own sex. As a matter of fact, loving someone doesn't mean anything else than wishing this person only the best.

Isn't it wonderful when you can talk about whatever you like while being quite sure that not a single word of yours is passed on! Good friends stay by your side when your are in trouble or when you feel bad. The same goes for you, of course. But sometimes even your best friend or your greatest chum lets you down and you feel betrayed or deceived. Or you are utterly jealous because suddenly your best friend hasn't got enough time for you anymore and meets somebody else instead. All this can be very painful and you are angry or sad. You experience emotions that are similar to those when falling in love: when you feel disappointed, ignored, or not cared for you feel lousy, as if you were not important (to that person).

It doesn't matter if it's love or friendship – every relationship experiences a quarrel or disappointment at some time. When you are unable to get it straight again all by yourself you need someone to whom you can talk about it. It is important that you can be sure that not a word of it is passed on behind your back. If you haven't got anybody whom you can talk to you can open your heart to us during an online counselling session.

 

In love with a girl or woman?

One look, one encounter and then it just happens – there is more than a friendly interest in a girl or woman. You like best to always be quite close to her and you just can't get enough. Perhaps you are even more confused now compared to your emotions when falling in love with a boy or a man? You do not know how the loved one will respond? You wonder if this is 'normal' and what the 'others' will think of you? You can rest assured: human beings can also fall in love with human beings of the same sex – women love women, men love men. It does not have to be like that once and for all, it may happen that at one time you fall in love with a girl and later on with a boy. It has always been like that – as a matter of fact, we all have a predisposition to bisexuality. But there have always been times when society did not accept same sex love or partnership.

In present-day Germany it really shouldn't be a problem anymore. But unfortunately, there are still people who are very intolerant. Perhaps you are afraid of how your parents, your friends, your relatives or whoever might react. Acknowleding the fact that you fell in love with a girl or a woman and that you want to be close to her is called 'coming out' – in the process of which you discover yourself and about how you want to live sexual relationships. Perhaps it would be helpful for you to exchange experiences in this regard with other girls who feel the same.

For further information check the follwing websites:

• Coming out girls: www.lambda-bb.de
• Special counselling here.

Or you send us a email.

 

Sexuality

Having sex is like a good laugh: everybody enjoys laughing, likes sexual feelings because it's fun and because we feel good. It is the same the other way round: if we feel good and relaxed in somebody's company we can laugh and eventually venture into sexual experiences. The basis is always mutual interest, consent and it is linked to joy. It doesn't work if you feel forced to do so because you feel bad then. Just as little as somebody can force you into a genuine laugh you cannot enjoy a good sexual experience if you feel forced into it. So do not join in if you do not feel free and easy to do so! And only go as far as you really want to go! Do not consent to do something that you do not (or not now) want to do! Everything requires time: trust and mutual understanding growing into tenderness, into more confidence so that you are ready for a very intimate physical sexual experience. Girls sometimes think that they must do whatever a boy wants them to do in order to be loved by him. That's rubbish! A boy who really likes you will never ever force into something, will he? And he will no longer like and respect you if you consent to being forced into something.

Boys may have a totally different view towards sexuality than girls. Parents are not always able to help when you have questions on the subject of sexuality. Perhaps your parents' views are completely different from yours and they do not give you the liberty to make your own sexual experiences. Perhaps they already flip out when you only want to meet a boy or a girl: they are worried because you might fall in love and for them a kiss or a tender touch is already a crime.

All this can be pretty confusing and exciting. It's like a big thrilling adventure. You surely need someone with whom you can talk about all your questions. It is important that you choose that person well!

You find detailed information and counselling on sexuality and contraception methods on: www.profamilia.de or you send us an email.